HomeForums[Ri051] Members OnlyStari dobri CAFFE ROOMbeer troubleshooting guide

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    neki su losi ali vecina je !amazed

    Beer Problem Troubleshooting Guide

    SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.

    FAULT: Glass empty.

    ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.

    FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.

    ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

    FAULT: Improper bladder control.

    ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.

    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

    ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.

    FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.

    ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

    FAULT: You are being carried out.

    ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly

    that you are being kidnapped.

    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.

    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

    ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.

    SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.

    FAULT: You have fallen forward.

    ACTION: See above.

    SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.

    FAULT: The Bar is closing.

    ACTION: Panic.

    SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see anything in your bedroom.

    FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.

    ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.

    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

    ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

    FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

    ACTION: Cover mouth.

    SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up at you and smiles.

    FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

    ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.

    FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

    ACTION: Punch him.

    SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

    FAULT: You have been in a fight.

    ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.

    FAULT: You’ve wandered in to the wrong party.

    ACTION: See if they have free beer.

    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

    FAULT: The beer is too weak.

    ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

    SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.

    FAULT: Beer is just right.

    ACTION: Play air guitar.

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